Feel, Need, Want, Value: Therapy for More Satisfying Relationships

Other times, certain topics feel off the table because of social stigma or taboo: sexuality, kink, non-monogamy, infidelity, mental illness. Stigmas and taboos are so powerful in part because they amplify the feelings of shame that keep people isolated, and they silence alternative ways of understanding things that can serve to connect people. How can I share this with someone else when they’re definitely going to think I’m a terrible person, or at least a weirdo?? What’s wrong with me that I can’t just be fine with the things that everyone else seems happy with??

How It Works: Therapy

I’ve been thinking lately about the work that I do. About how I actually help. I started wondering, Is there a way that I could summarize the work that I do with every one of my clients, in simple terms, regardless of their starting point?

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

Consensual Non-Monogamy: I Didn’t Sign Up For This Sh*t

…But right now I want to talk to those of you whose first reaction to the idea of consensual non-monogamy was “Oh, hell f***cking NO!”
I just want to say––explicitly––I’m here for you too.

Revert To Saved: Closing a Consensually Non-Monogamy Relationship

“What do we do if one (or both) of us decides we no longer want our relationship to be open?” This isn’t a question that always gets discussed explicitly when partners are weighing whether to open their monogamous relationship and explore some form of consensual non-monogamy. Unfortunately, even when it is discussed, sometimes partners endContinue reading “Revert To Saved: Closing a Consensually Non-Monogamy Relationship”

Comparing Consensual Non-Monogamy and Hookup Culture

Many of the individuals who participate in Hookup Culture aren’t giving up on wanting both emotionality and sexuality… they’re often just deferring that desire. And deferring that desire to engage all off the parts of themselves rather than just some parts allows people to keep stepping back into Hookup Culture, even if there are some times that they come away from it feeling like they’ve been treated more like a hyper-realistic sex doll.

Consensual Non-Monogamy: How Do I Bring This Up?

…The second option is to start with some persuasion, more like a traditional elevator pitch. You’re not trying to persuade them to open their relationship with you… that’s WAY too much for one conversation. However, it might be possible to persuade them that at least having the conversation will be worthwhile, and that talking about it might even help your relationship with each other.

Consensual Non-Monogamy and Taking the Pressure Off

Is opening my relationship going to take pressure off me or my partner, or will it cause a breakdown in the relationship? Before I dive into that question, which I introduced at the end of my previous post, I want to lay out a few of my assumptions about relationships: No one person (or relationship)Continue reading “Consensual Non-Monogamy and Taking the Pressure Off”

Opening My Monogamous Relationship: Just a Terrible F***ing Idea, or What? Part 2

In my previous post, I outlined a few factors that can make the process of transitioning a previously-monogamous relationship to some form of consensual non-monogamy easier. In this post, I want to explore the other side of that: factors that make a transition more difficult. UrgencyA sense of urgency—we have to act now!—is one factorContinue reading “Opening My Monogamous Relationship: Just a Terrible F***ing Idea, or What? Part 2”

Opening My Monogamous Relationship: Just a Terrible F***ing Idea, or What? Part 1

Is it a terrible idea?  Maybe. I dunno. It depends on your relationship. On you. On your partner. On why you want to open it to begin with. On what you’re hoping to get out of it. On what alternatives you and your partner feel you have.  How’s that for an evasive answer? The realityContinue reading “Opening My Monogamous Relationship: Just a Terrible F***ing Idea, or What? Part 1”